Curiouser and Curiouser

I have a curious. Why is it, in this day of uber political correctness and everything has to be fair especially if you're gay/a minority/etc, everybody is treating gay marriage like it is some sort of bogey man? How would this in any way change the skyrocketing hetero divorce rate? Does this threaten single parents and unwanted children? Oh wait! I know! If we allow alternate lifestyles the same basic right to the misery, pain, joy and fulfillment of marriage then we ( as hetero couples) can no longer deny them the right to adopt children in care of the state that desperately need loving homes. Wait.. no.. that doesn't make sense. I mean really, what kind of moron would want to keep kids in a system that degrades and dehumanizes them whilst sucking down taxpayer dollars like a stoner at whitecastle? That wouldn't make any sense at all, especially in our current economic situation.

Here's the reality kids. Allowing any loving couple to get married no matter their gender shouldn't even be an issue. In a manner of speaking, it directly violates the constitution. We have freedom of religion, so you can't spank the bible over it. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Not sure all would agree that getting married is the same as pursuing happiness but hey, this is my blog so neener neener.

Frankly I would like the gov't to stop trying to micromanage my life. Stop trying to tell me who I can marry, how I should reproduce, what I can eat and what kind of freaking lightbulb I can buy. Your job is to manage the big picture, not be my daddy. And before I will even pretend to listen, you need to fix your own mess.

Republicans, your shit DOES stink. deal.

Democrats, Get over yourselves. We're over you.

All political parties, RTFM

Stop being egomaniacal toddlers that skipped naptime and start at least pretending to play adults on TV.

The progressive tax system is obviously fatally flawed and mortally wounded from all the loopholes. Institute a flat tax, no exceptions, no refunds. I expect it would be much easier to formulate a budget if you had a semi-predictable income. Kill the estate tax. Making money on grief is just gruesome. Stop spending money you don't have. That's just basic common sense kids. I have to live within my means, you should too.

Wait.. wha.. I don't even...

These two

Are such total hams. I had picked up my phone sideways to answer tweets and texts, happened to look like I was aiming at them, so they both stopped, sat, and said cheese so they could get a pic taken lol. I have very silly monsters.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.1

I will probably get in trouble for this..

But I am not entirely certain candidate Mitt Romney would be a completely awful president. Please hear me out before you hunt me down like a rabid animal. Yes, he is Mormon. Yes, they do have magic underwear among other silly and slightly scary issues. That aside, they take care of their own, are financially stable, can properly manage a budget and have an amazing support structure in place to all that are a member in good standing and pay tithe. Think average tax paying citizen. Is this really so terrible? Religion aside, I find myself more and more looking over the flotsam, jetsam and flat out hot mess options and thinking maybe this guy can't be any worse than what we have now. Or do you really want Palin? <<-- had to fix that 4 times.. my Droid kept correcting it to " pain". Perhaps it knows something we don't?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.1

Top Ten Things You Never Want To Hear From The Bathroom

10. What the hell, blue!?

9. Mommy mommy it's eating me!

8. That shouldn't be bleeding...

7. "Who's your daddy Anthony" "That's right you are Anthony

6. That's not supposed to be detachable

5. Don't come in! I'm shaving my skunk

4. Help, my depends are stuck

3. Sit ubu Sit. Good Dog.

2. Yeah that's right. Baa for daddy!!

1. So you have discovered my fortress of solitude

So incredibly accurate

Oh so very true

Yeah I don't even....

Goofing off in photoshop today produced this.. dunno what inspired it but thank you Obsidian Dawn for your awesome brushes!

Top Ten Things to put on your Resume

In the current job climate I decided to post this in the hopes it helps some of y'all out... Enjoy :)

10. The fifth Beatle

9. Target of a failed bloodless coup

8. Last of the Mohicans

7. Master of Puppets

6. Illuminati

5. The 5th horseman of the apocalypse

4. Warrior princess

3. Leader of the new school

2. Mr. Excitement

1. Angel of War

Because I Can

I am me. I will always be me, even when you think I'm someone else. I refuse to be a cookie cutter one dimensional blah-factory just because you think I should be. Yes, I'm a stay home mom. That doesn't mean I can't fix a computer, work on a car, build furniture, balance a budget, create marketable bath & body products, re-roof a house, etc and so on. Attempt to compartmentalize me at your own risk, you will fail. I read Heinlein, and understand it.

I also happen to be pagan, for lack of a better term. I study herbs and their uses and will eat your face if you upset my children. I am not a wiccan, neo-pagan, witch, voodoo practitioner, satanist, etc ad nauseum. I do not care about your invisible sky pixie. I can promise you I have a better grasp of the book you claim to follow that you ever will simply because I actually read the damn thing. I dare you to do the same.

And now, on to what set me off.

I do not give half a shit if you are black, white, orange, purple, or pink polka dotted. You do NOT deserve jack shit just because of an accident of dna. Jobs, Education and other benefits should be SOLELY based on merit. You want equality? Quit your bitching and do the work. I would love to see groups like the NAACP and other special interest groups of similar ilk disbanded. Not because I have some bone to pick with so called minorities, because I believe that it doesn't matter what color/faith you are. If you suck, being purple doesn't make you suck less. The Man isn't keeping you down, YOU are keeping you down by being an ignorant useless waste of flesh. Stop shooting eachother, put down the pipe, pull up your damn pants and act like a rational human.

I'm nearly certain I will get called racist or bigoted for this article. And I don't care. I took my phukitol today, did you?

Back in the day...

Here's a blast from the past for ya kids, enjoy!

************************************************

So here I am "working" and I realize something......I hate people...Now dont get me wrong generally I am a friendly guy, I mean I wont punch you without warning, but the majority of people in this world need to be shot...I don't feel like they should be polluting our gene pool...If humans operated like most other animal species then I believe that our civilization would be much far advanced..For example The Urbanites, one of the greatest early civilizations, were capable of making metal alloys when most other people were realizing that if you beat 2 rocks together you might get a sharp edge. The only drawback to the urbanites was that they had no weapons..They were the first ones to have a utopian society ruined by stupidity..Now was it the urbanites own stupidity for not making weapons, or was it the nomadic tribesmen who overran them who were stupid for not learning from them and assimilating into the civilization. I dont know. If the urbanites were left to their own devices who can say where we would be right now, most likely not here where we are now. If the nomads would have learned from them and had some kind of cultural exchange they could have assimalated with the urbanites and likely created one of the greatest civilizations ever, rivaling the babylonians, the egyptians, the greeks, and so on. Alas that didn't happen because people are fearful, territorial, warlike creatures. Its really sad that a species such as ours can't get past petty differences and work together to advance mankind. That isn't going to happen any time soon. I say fuck it!!! Give in to the territorial, warlike urges. If you like your neighbors house, kill him and take it, but you had better be prepared to defend it from anyone else who wants it. Now you may say that this sounds like anarchy, but its not, its nature. Well now I am getting a little off base but hell it all sounds good. Remember this above all else, Indivdual people are mostly all right, but mostly people suck...

Want more? Check out @78jc on Twitter!

Random Top Ten of the Week

Top Ten Drawbacks to being a Superhero

10. Have to have a weirdo alter-ego

9. Porn stars stealing your name "What do you mean you're superman??...oh"

8. Cant Tell a Chick, "I know (insert superhero's name here)

7. Reveal secret identity every time you break glasses

6. No-one ever gets to have sex, the kids are watching

5. Twenty minutes to get out of tights to use bathroom

4. You can never sleep.....

3. Someone swearing eternal vengeance on you every two weeks.

2. One D.U.I and they wanna lock you up...even if you are driving the batmobile

1. The only one available to wax the batpole is Alfred (I think that fits with number six also)

For more funny follow @Rjochen & @78jc on Twitter!

Funnies OTD

Poor kitty, I'm saddened by that too. At least you get to vomit in their slippers.

******************************************************************

There! Did you hear that?! That was the sound of my childhood screaming in horror and pain. Burning, rage-filled pain. With fire.

*********************************************************************

Bacon makes it better... bacon makes everything better.. Mmmm.. Bacon..

*********************************************************************

Ow ow ow ow ow laughing so hard ow ow ow ow ow ow

***********************************************************************

Can't sleep clowns will eat me can't sleep clowns will eat me can't sleep clowns will eat me

Tags: funny, lol, demotivation, bacon

Powered by Qumana

Masochism is Fun

For background noise as I puttered about the kitchen this morning I turned on fox news radio.. I should really know better by now. As I chopped celery for a roast chicken stock my ears caught ranting about the teachers' strike in Wisconsin. Am I the only one finding this rather retarded? While I agree that our nation's teachers get bent over without a reach around quite often, I do not see this as the answer. If they really want private sector pay, go to the private sector. And by all that is unholy, if you're going to strike, do it like you mean it. Don't get fake dr's notes while television news cameras are taping you! What kind of example are you setting here? To my mind all you are doing is telling kids that if they don't like a rule, you should quit doing your job and lie to get what you want.

More later, I'm going to go beat up some bread dough until I can think straight

Powered by Qumana

Terminal Brain Pretzel

I've been spending a lot of time on the phone with friends lately and we all are wondering the same thing.. What the bloody hell happened to common sense? When did it become an astounding talent to put a simple meal on the table? It's really not hard kids. It doesn't even have to take a lot of time or effort. And don't even get me started on the insanity in the news, my brain might leak out my ears in self defense. We live in a world where the government will hand you a paycheck for being a drug addict, but will send children's services to your house if someone claims you feed your children organic food. Organic Food... Oh.. My.. The Horror.. gah. We are not allowed to appropriately discipline our children, but we have to pay the fines if they do something wrong. We throw a fit if someone believes in a woman's right to choose, then cheer the bombing of foreign people.. you know, like women and children.. What. The. Hell. If you are against killing, fine. Be against all killing. Not just the killing that offends your invisible sky pixie.

I am very anti-ignorance and am well known for my rants about stupid people. I'm also 1 bajillion percent anti-hypocrite. You want to claim you're a christian and therefor better than me? Fine, RTFM and get back to me. If you are going to claim The Bible is the LITERAL word of god, put your money where your mouth is. You either believe the whole thing, or none of it. It's not a multiple choice situation. The same goes for any other organized religion. Either live up to your hype or STFU.

I am so very sick and tired of all the labels being flung about. Liberal, Libertarian, Republican, Fascist, Marxist, etc and so on. Stop the grammar school namecalling, get over yourself, and move the hell on. Our economy is in the crapper, our kids are failing at life and our amazing men and women in the military are dying. Your petty BS argument is invalid. If you really want to fight childhood obesity, stop harassing McDonald's and start booting your kids outside to play. The burger didn't make them fat, your lazy ass parking them in front of the TV so they'll leave you alone did. The school didn't make them fail the test, you not taking an active and informed role in their education did. Yes parents, I'm blaming you. You, the ones that buy the burger, that blow off the homework, that don't set a responsible example. Their potential future starts and stops at home. What we do and say matters far more than what they see on television, in video games, or on the radio. All of this is within our control. Don't want your son wearing saggy pants? Don't freaking buy them. Don't want your daughter dressing like a cheap hooker? Don't buy the clothes that allow it. Don't want your kids playing that violent video game? Don't buy it.

Wake the hell up people, there's no reset button and we're very close to seriously phuct.

Sqeee Level Joy

One of my favoritest people ever has begun a most wonderful blog. Yay! We often disagree, often have wildly different interests, and have been friends sisters for longer than either of us is willing to admit to. Her contribution to the interwebs, From the Edges of Sanity, will amuse, enrage, and possibly inform, but it will never bore.

So please, join me in welcoming Argent Dragon to the ranks of proud instigators. I won't say you'll not regret it, but you will enjoy it :)

And it's STILL snowing

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Cake!

If you're anything like me.. and many of you are.. in the top of your pantry/cabinet you have a host of random cake mixes left from birthdays, holidays or just random in-store cravings. You may decide to bake one ( or three ) for no other reason than hey, it's cake, but find yourself short an ingredient or two. Take Red Velvet cake for example. We all know it's good any way you make it, but especially glorious when gently swathed in a layer of tangy cream cheese frosting.

But wait! Oh no! all out of cream cheese! what are we to do?!?!
Fear not! with a few minor tweaks, a basic buttercream can come to the rescue with all that wonderful tangy tounge zapping goodness. Here's how I did it :

• 2 sticks of butter, softened
• 1c shortening
• 1 bag confectioner's sugar
• a dash or two of salt
• splash of vanilla
• about 1 tsp fresh ground ginger
• barest pinch of ground clove
• 1/2c plain yogurt
• 1 baker's square of white chocolate, melted and whisked with enough evap milk to make it pourable
• milk as needed to make the frosting creamy

beat the snot out of the butter and shortening on high until creamy and fluffy. slowly add the sugar about 1/3 of the bag at a time. Beat each addition well to ensure a lack of lumps. mix together everything except the milk in a small bowl and add all at once. beat until combined and add more milk ONLY of it's needed. If you want a little more tang, add a very very slight amount of white vinegar to your chocolate/milk mixture. no more than 1/2 a tsp or you will regret it.
This will be a very soft frosting so either add while the cake is hot to melt it, chill the cake fully to keep it solid, or do both and have layers of wonderful flavor and texture.

It's easier than it sounds, fast, and best of all, seriously awesome in your mouth.

Brotherly Love

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

So very true

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Batman is gonna get me

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Batman!!!

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Top Ten Headache Inducers

1. Help! I'm stuck on a broken escalator!
2. Complaints about other drivers.. via text.. while you're driving
3. The battery on my phone sucks! I have to charge it once a day!
4. Is the floor wet? (surrounded by wet floor signs)
5. Oh Wow! You can make bread without a bread machine?!?!
6. Who is Robert E Lee? ( from a southerner )
7. Going to a gas station with 8 inches of snow on the ground for a 6pack of cheap beer.. after 2am
8. White boys from suburbia trying to pretend to be "gangsta"
9. Hipsters, nuff said
10. Emo kids with Hot Topic wardrobes bought with daddy's platinum visa complaining about how "depressing" their life is.

Poor tiny boy

Rob took one look at all the snow and cold outside and promptly decided the best place to spend the day was wrapped in his fleece blanket in Mommy's lap.. poor lil guy lol

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Mommy's snuggle buddy

Rob's favorite night time spot.. on my feet when I try to lay down. Such a little goof.

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Mommy's little cheeseball

I was trying to get a non-scary pic of myself to use as my facebook profile pic... However any time the light on my flash goes off it's much like a dog whistle for Robbie. My little ham simply must be in whatever picture mommy is taking lol.

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Shrine of the Heathen Monkeys

From left to right you have Aric, math whiz and butt-pain extrodinare; Brenna, aka princess fluffybrains; and Robbie aka Robzilla the Terrible. The rainbow-arsed baboon and the kitty statue stand in for Brad and myself as neither of us photographs well. It is a permanent fixture on my desk that serves to keep me wary of thuds in the night.

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

Testing

This is a test post using ScribeFire for Chrome, this is only a test post. if this were a real post you'd be mad at me by now

Scrubbing Winter Away

Hello, I'm the Caffinated Kitten and I have ultra sensitive skin. Dyes and perfumes can cause very uncomfortable rashes in painful places and normally the only shelf products I can use are too expensive to keep using. For a long time I thought it was just my fate to balance the itch with sporadic stretches of comfort. I was soo incredibly wrong. With the help of my bestest friend ever, Google, I found myriad recipes for making what I needed right in my kitchen with items that wouldn't annoy my very persnickety skin. Imagine my relief!

As I read them I realized they called for all kinds of essential oils for the scents. Let's face it, good ones aren't cheap. So I took the recipes, headed to the kitchen and began experimenting. Thus far I have 2 perfected scrubs and am working on more.

My favorite is the Lemon sugar scrub. I love the scent of fresh squeezed lemon and the rind & juice contain many things great for your skin. With the help of my handy dandy new food processor and a little common sense I now have a light lemony scrub that leaves my skin so soft that newborns wail in envy. It can be used from face to toes and, best of all I think, tastes exactly how it smells.

I am currently working out variations containing honey & chamomile as well as a lemon creme "flavor". Exfoliating has never been so tasty!

Eventually I will post a few of my recipes and hope to be able to organize selling the products themselves as I know there are many out there suffering with sensitive skin held hostage by top shelf prices.

If there is a "flavor" you like to see worked out into a lotion or scrub, let me know! I like a challenge :)

Desk Troll in the Wild

It is not uncommon for Rob to decide that the best place for his baby T-Rex, Iron Man, Buzz Lightyear and Bumblebee to have an epic battle is underneath my desk. My toes are often civilian casualties in these mighty wars.

Keyword in Diet is DIE

I have found it increasingly amusing lately that all of the sudden all the diets are telling you to eat like I have for years. Using nut oils ( olive oil, grapeseed, etc) is nothing new in our house. Ditto fruit and nuts for snacking. Complex carbs emphasized, simple carbs severely limited. Natural alternative sweeteners... sound familiar yet?

What most of these don't tell you is that short term dieting leads to a long term weight battle. If you want to get that pudge off and keep it that way, you have to change the way you eat for good. Not just for a week/month/etc.


Also, counting calories isn't enough. Yes, you need to be careful not to go over the max for your lifestyle (less active, less calories). But you have GOT to remember too little is actually worse than too much. Too few calories and your body will store fat like a manic squirrel collecting nuts. Too many calories can be balanced with excersize to keep things moving along.

Here are a few simple things that you can do to make yourself healthier :

• Do not, for any reason, buy a dinner in a box or bag. They are LOADED with sodium and will make you retain water, thereby adding to your weight.


• Don't ever starve yourself. If you are hungry, eat.


• Nuts are an awesome snack rich in protein and low on the G.I.( Glycemic Index)


• You CAN fry in grapeseed oil, making your favorite fried foods a little healthier to have once in a while.


• Use whole grain or nut flours. There are many readily available that are not expensive.


• Oatmeal is very very tasty and very filling. Sweeten it with unsweetened chunky applesauce and dried fruit and you'll wonder why you made icky faces as a kid.


• Fresh fruit, no sugar added juice, and raw vaggies are not only good for you, they taste really really good.


• Drop your soda habbit. Even diet sodas keep that jiggle on your middle. Instead keep herbal tea and carbonated water on hand. Mix to your taste and enjoy a fizzy good-for-you drink.

Remember, healthy food doesn't have to taste like it's good for you. Yes, I'm one of those weirdos that actually LIKES granola, yogurt, bran muffins, etc. I think the key to that may be that I grew up having it and was never told to eat it to be healthy, I was told to eat it cause it tasted good. If you have children, the key to making them into healthy adults is to start NOW. Replace sugar and junk with healthy options that are tasty and filling. They will look to you for an example, so be one. Don't be a lump all day behind the computer, on the sofa, etc. Get up, kick on the radio, turn off the tv and play.

Not only will you all be healthier, you'll be a stronger family.

Heathen Monkeys from Hades

My children are the center of my world. There is nothing that I won't do to keep them safe, happy and healthy. That being said I seem to be a somewhat unusual parent. I limit game and tv time, don't allow them on the computer that has internet and make them do chores. They are expected to do their job right the first time. I know, I'm so mean. I even do the meanest most horrible thing ever... I don't buy junk food or soda. Their daily drink options are honey sweetened herbal tea, real fruit juice with no added sugar, whole milk or water. It's cruel. It's evil. It's why my children are healthier than 80% of their peers.

From an early age I presented them with fresh fruit and raw veggies for snacks, kept sugar to a minimum, and encouraged them to play with toys that don't require batteries. There is one tv in the entire house and I control it with an iron fist. There is also only one gaming system, also controlled with an iron fist. Because of this all three of my monsters can amuse themselves for hours with a stack of blocks or a pile of dirt. Do they have all kinds of toys that make noise? yep. They also have grandparents.. I'm sure you can see the correlation.

As both their father and I love books, we have passed that on to our children. They have an entire book case full of books appropriate for their ages. And all are well read. It's not unusual for all three to be scattered around the living room quietly involved in a book. Even Robbie, my most active heathen.

Creativity, independant thought, and personal accountability are very important in our house. "he/she made me do it mom!" is NEVER an viable excuse. And they have been taught one very important thing.. No matter what you do, do it like you mean it. Don't half ass or whine about it being too hard. Do everything like it's the most important thing you'll ever do and nothing is impossible to achieve. I'm living proof. They know that mommy is dyslexic and what it means. They also know I can read faster than just about anyone they know. My "disability" has in no way held me back from life.

This ramble was prompted by people complaining that Robbie, my 2 yr old, is just "too hard" to watch. He's active, playful, interacts and can get through just about any gate, latch or lock you can think of. He won't just veg out in front of the tv no matter what you put on to watch. He likes cookies, but much prefers grapes or apples to snack on. Doesn't really like kool-aid and will demand juice or milk. And, horror of horrors, wants to play with you, be hugged by you and told what a big helper he is when he's helping.

Because of this, I can't get a sitter for him no matter how much money I offer. Anyone that has watched him once refuses to do it again since they actually have to pay attention to the child.

Bah, wusses.

Moments of Lawl

This will most likely be repeatedly edited as I find more things that actually cause audible laughter.

see more Hurr

see more Hurr

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

see more Very Demotivational

Why yes, I have been that bored...

see more WTF Pictures and WTF videos by Picture Is Unrelated

This even made Aric laugh...

see more WTF Pictures and WTF videos by Picture Is Unrelated

Steampunk Laptop?

Ok... That is freaking cool as hell... I wants one!!!!

see more Epic Win FTW

Oh gak

After the hideous tragedy in Tucson Arizona that recently shook us all, I had some ( very very small ) hope that people would show their humanity in a manner similar to directly after 9/11 among other things. I could not have been more horribly wrong. In less than 12 hours the news was utterly flooded with pundits and mouthpeices on both sides yapping vacuously about how the other side is at fault for what this unbalanced madman did. The worst, in my opinion, is the local sherrif using this as a political opportunity! How dare he! This massacre was carried out by a young man that he was fully aware was dangerous and directed at a person that he was also fully aware had been previously threatened and indirectly attacked. Her offices had been broken into and vandalized, among other things.

Now, all that seems to be discussed is further gun legislation ; political vitriol and how the evil meanies on the other side egged this on by saying naughty things. Get Over Yourselves!

Should crosshairs be used on a map to highlight opposing political districs? No probably not as it is in rather bad taste. Should politicians of any stripe talk about "targeting" eachother? Again, the taste issue raises it's head. Without these things being spewed continuously in a conscienceless 24 hour news cycle, would this still have occured? More than 90% likely, and here's why.. The perpetrator was severely unbalanced. To be blunt, he was batscat crazy. Did he know right from wrong? Yes, he did and left proof to that effect. He was no more influenced by the political rhetoric to commit this act than Lee Harvey Oswald.

It is a sad day when the political comedians show more intelligence, humanity and sensitivity than so called "real" journalists. Shame on the lot of you.

Here leezard leezard....

My oldest son got the movie " How to Train Your Dragon" for christmas. If you've not seen it yet, you must!! It is possibly the funniest movie I've seen in a long while. It prompted me to go on a Draconic rampage in Photoshop that had mixed results. Some projects were scrapped totally, others are still in progress and yet others may get completed but never see the light of day.

So far, this is the only one completed

There will be more to come and they will be posted into the Gallery to be downloaded for personal use.

More coming your way kids! I have rantin to do....